Letting Go: A Heartfelt Journey of Growth and Separation
From the moment my daughter was born, it’s always been just the two of us. We’ve shared everything, from sleepless nights to morning cuddles. Today, however, is a significant day—she asked me if it’s okay for her to start sleeping in her own room. We’ve always slept together, watching movies, having long evening or early morning chats, enjoying lazy mornings with breakfast in bed. Every morning, I get to see her face slowly wake up, with that beautiful glow and her soft pink cheeks. So peaceful. So full of serenity.
When she was born, it was through a complicated delivery. After an emergency C-section due to her heart stopping, we faced an uphill battle. She was in so much pain due to complications from the doctors, who had inadvertently injured her during birth. She couldn’t even crying ( that’s how the doctor explained )because of the pain she just moaned and couldn’t keep any food down due to severe reflux. She was hospitalized in Rotterdam, and at one point, they had to let her go—literally. Her heart stopped several times a day, and now they want to observed whether she was strong enough to fight her way back each time.
Since that day, I never slept alone again. How could I? I went from having a tiny baby sleeping on my chest, listening to her every breath, to becoming so in tune with her that even in my deepest sleep, I could sense if something was wrong.There were moments when she slept so soundly that I couldn’t even see her chest rise, which always made my heart skip a beat. Thankfully, she grew stronger, and soon she could handle solid foods much better than milk. Her health gradually improved, but our routine of sleeping together remained unchanged. Why would it? It was so comforting, so intimate.
But today, with a heavy heart, I realize it’s time. She’s so kind about it, saying, “Mama, we can take it slow. One night I’ll sleep with you, and the next night in my own bed.” She’s just newly decorate her room and is so proud of it. She loves sitting there, chatting with her friends, embracing her independence. I know it’s all part of growing up, and as hard as it is, she’s doing her best to make this transition easy for me. Still, this is my heart. My heart is leaving my side—but, in truth, it never really leaves.
Letting go is difficult for any parent, but it’s a necessary part of watching your child grow into their own person. It’s about embracing the balance between holding on and giving them the space to spread their wings. While my heart aches, I also know this is the next step for her—and for me.
This moment, while bittersweet, is also a reminder of the resilience and strength we’ve both developed over the years. From a fragile beginning to this point of independence, she continues to teach me how to let go with love.
In my case, letting go is not just about giving my daughter more independence—it’s essential for her development and self-confidence. By giving her more autonomy, I’m helping her grow into a confident and capable individual. I can trust her completely because she’s always been responsible and has never made reckless or irresponsible decisions. For example, when I give her money—whether it’s vacation money or pocket money—she’s not like many of her peers who rush to spend it. Instead, she saves it and rarely touches it, which is fantastic, of course, but there’s also a balance she needs to learn.
To help her get more comfortable with spending within reason, I’ve suggested that on Friday afternoons, during her youth group meet-ups, she could stop by the local snack bar and treat herself to something she enjoys. She could either eat there with her friends or bring it home to make it a fun, cozy experience. After all, she gets money specifically for those outings. But even then, she struggles to spend it, preferring to save it instead. While it’s great that she’s so cautious with her money, it’s also something she’ll need to learn—how to treat herself from time to time and find that balance between saving and enjoying life’s little moments.
So, as I give her more freedom, it’s not just about trusting her to be responsible, but also helping her learn how to navigate new experiences, like managing money in a balanced way. These are the lessons that will support her continued growth, helping her to thrive in her own independence while still enjoying the journey.
Each step we take towards more independence is about nurturing that confidence and preparing her for the future, all while maintaining the strong, loving bond we share. It’s a process that requires trust—not just in her, but in myself as her parent. Though it may feel emotional, I know this journey is as important for her growth as it is for my own.
How to Let Go: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents
Letting go as a parent isn’t something that happens all at once. It’s a gradual process of allowing your child more independence while teaching them responsibility. It’s both exciting and nerve-wracking, but essential for their growth and development. Below are some practical steps and examples of how you as i can begin to let go, step by step.
1. Small Responsibilities: Running Errands Alone
One of the first steps in teaching independence is giving your child small tasks, like running a simple errand. For example, you could let them go to the local shop on their own for the first time. Give them a small amount of money and a list of what to buy. This helps them understand the value of money, teaches responsibility, and gives them a sense of achievement when they return successfully. Of course, be sure to start with something manageable, like a store close to home.
2. First Time Out with Friends
Another step is allowing your child to spend an afternoon out with friends without your supervision. This could be something as simple as a trip to the park, or as they get older, perhaps an outing to the open swimming pool with friends. It’s natural to feel anxious, but these experiences teach them social skills, decision-making, and trust. Establish clear rules and check-in times to make sure they stay safe, but also give them the freedom to enjoy their time.
3. Walking or Biking to School Alone
As your child grows, another milestone is letting them travel to school on their own, whether by walking or biking. Start by walking or biking with them a few times so they know the route and how to handle any potential risks. Gradually, allow them to do it alone or with a friend. This fosters a sense of independence and responsibility, but it also offers a great opportunity to teach them how to navigate traffic and other people on the road.
It’s important that they learn to pay attention to their surroundings, anticipate the actions of others, and adjust their own decisions accordingly. Whether it’s a car approaching, a pedestrian crossing, or another cyclist making a sudden move, understanding how to assess the situation and make safer choices is a vital life skill. It’s also a good opportunity to teach them time management—making sure they leave the house on time to get to school without rushing, so they can focus fully on being safe and alert.
4. Managing Time and Homework
Another important aspect of independence is teaching your child how to manage their time, especially when it comes to homework. Instead of constantly reminding them, help them create a schedule. Show them how dividing their tasks into smaller, manageable chunks can help them finish on time and have more free time afterward. This also teaches them about planning, which is a skill they’ll carry into adulthood. Encouraging them to stick to a routine helps them become more organized and reduces the stress of last-minute work.
5. Setting Boundaries with Friends
Independence also means learning to manage relationships, including when and how often to meet friends. Teach your child to plan their time effectively by setting specific times for socializing and encouraging them to discuss plans with their friends ahead of time. For instance, if they want to invite a friend over for dinner or a sleepover, it’s important to ask in advance so you can plan accordingly.
Similarly, if they want to play right after school, that’s fine, but remind them to let you know either by checking in at home, sending a message, or having the friend’s parent give you a quick call. This ensures everyone is on the same page and helps avoid conflicts with schoolwork, family time, or other responsibilities, while still giving your child the freedom to enjoy time with their friends.
6. Learning About Money: Save and Spend Wisely
A crucial part of growing up is learning how to handle money. Start by giving your child a small allowance, and teach them about saving and budgeting. Explain that once the money is gone, it’s gone—so they need to think carefully about how they spend it. Encourage them to save up for something they really want, rather than spending impulsively. This helps them understand the value of money and prepares them for financial independence in the future.
In today’s world, children often only see us paying with a card or phone, which can create the illusion that money is an endless resource. They might not realize that we work hard for it and that, just like their allowance, when it’s gone, it’s gone. It’s important to reinforce this lesson, so they understand that financial decisions need to be made thoughtfully. If your child, like Day, is already consistent with saving, that’s a great start. However, continuing to strengthen this habit is key, as it teaches them long-term financial responsibility.
Additionally, it’s important for them to learn to save for larger goals, like a Nintendo, iPad, or mobile phone. Set a clear goal and encourage them to put aside a portion of their allowance regularly. To motivate them even more, you could offer to match their savings—once they’ve saved a certain amount, you can contribute the other half. This not only teaches them the discipline of saving but also shows them how setting and achieving financial goals can be rewarding.
7. Assigning Chores and Sticking to Them
Assigning chores is another way to teach responsibility. Simple tasks like making their bed, cleaning their room, or helping with the dishes not only teach your child the value of contributing to the household but also build discipline. Make sure to be consistent with the chores and hold them accountable. This teaches them that independence comes with responsibilities and that their actions have an impact on others.
Of course, not every child is the same. Some need to focus on different lessons at different times. As parents, we know our children best, and it’s important to follow our hearts and instincts when guiding them. Even though we don’t get a manual at birth, we all try our best to prepare our kids for the future. Above all, the love and trust you give your child is one of the most important steps toward helping them believe in themselves and their ability to succeed.
The Power of Letting Go in Parenting and Life
Letting go is not just a theme for parents but a life lesson that resonates with all aspects of life. In relationships, careers, and personal growth, the art of releasing control allows space for growth and new opportunities. It’s important to understand that letting go isn’t the end—it’s the beginning of something new. Whether it’s watching your child move into their own space or stepping into an unfamiliar situation, embracing change brings growth and deeper connections.
In today’s fast-paced world, the ability to let go can also enhance our mental health and well-being. Instead of clinging to the past, we open ourselves to the present and future, allowing new experiences and moments to shape us. In parenting, this might mean letting go of a routine you cherished, but gaining the joy of watching your child’s excitement as they grow into themselves.
Letting go is one of the hardest things a parent can do, but it is also one of the most rewarding. It’s a journey of love, growth, and trust. And while it may feel like a part of your heart is leaving, you’ll soon see it flourishing in ways you never imagined.
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